After the reveal: Excerpt from the diary of an illegitimate child

Day 1:

numb, exhausted…

is this what it feels like

to be catatonic?

rejection, shock, shame

Day 2:

puffy, angry eyes

lost, confused.

air is such a sad thing…

Day 3:

wake up,

remember Day 1.

sigh

try

to hide the rise and fall of my chest

wish that I was not born to cause pain.

count backwards…

listen to the ticking of MY LIFE,

lay in a hammock (yes, this is my nest)

reflect

about how I must have shocked

my mother when she found out

that someday I had plans to breathe.

Inhale the whole stormy, frothing mess I swam through to get here…

rivers pulse through my veins, barrel through others’ expectations…

smashing them

I watch the glass house fall,

inhale the world, pull tail feathers out of the mockingbird’s song…

allow the shell to break

I make a mess,

bless

my own birth

like a stork flying backwards, glide into the hospital window where I lay in a bassinet

pick up the pen…

sign my own signature

Legitimate

2 comments

  1. In the Lord’s eyes, we are all legitimate
    “Thus saith the LORD, thy redeemer, and he that formed thee from the womb, I am the LORD that maketh all things; that stretcheth forth the heavens alone; that spreadeth abroad the earth by myself; (Isaiah 44:24 KJV)
    .

    Like

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