is this what it feels like
to be catatonic?
rejection, shock, shame
puffy, angry eyes
air is such a sad thing…
remember Day 1.
to hide the rise and fall of my chest
wish that I was not born to cause pain.
listen to the ticking of MY LIFE,
lay in a hammock (yes, this is my nest)
about how I must have shocked
my mother when she found out
that someday I had plans to breathe.
Inhale the whole stormy, frothing mess I swam through to get here…
rivers pulse through my veins, barrel through others’ expectations…
I watch the glass house fall,
inhale the world, pull tail feathers out of the mockingbird’s song…
allow the shell to break
I make a mess,
my own birth
like a stork flying backwards, glide into the hospital window where I lay in a bassinet
pick up the pen…
sign my own signature