After the reveal: Excerpt from the diary of an illegitimate child

Day 1:

numb, exhausted…

is this what it feels like

to be catatonic?

rejection, shock, shame

Day 2:

puffy, angry eyes

lost, confused.

air is such a sad thing…

Day 3:

wake up,

remember Day 1.



to hide the rise and fall of my chest

wish that I was not born to cause pain.

count backwards…

listen to the ticking of MY LIFE,

lay in a hammock (yes, this is my nest)


about how I must have shocked

my mother when she found out

that someday I had plans to breathe.

Inhale the whole stormy, frothing mess I swam through to get here…

rivers pulse through my veins, barrel through others’ expectations…

smashing them

I watch the glass house fall,

inhale the world, pull tail feathers out of the mockingbird’s song…

allow the shell to break

I make a mess,


my own birth

like a stork flying backwards, glide into the hospital window where I lay in a bassinet

pick up the pen…

sign my own signature



  1. In the Lord’s eyes, we are all legitimate
    “Thus saith the LORD, thy redeemer, and he that formed thee from the womb, I am the LORD that maketh all things; that stretcheth forth the heavens alone; that spreadeth abroad the earth by myself; (Isaiah 44:24 KJV)


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