the night you blew the candles out


i light candles as pink as frosting …as hopeful as birthday cakes … the night
you blow the candles out…

…because… I forget…this

is your party …not

…mine …

time you hold


hostage… every 250 pound stomp of your rage filled

frame … i shake…shake

like candles
every ..

time neighbors hear me scream and

call the police … i flicker… every


you lie about paying bills… every time you find me

hiding in after hour parking lots… …i grow dimmer
you grin as you tell our

pastor how sad you are

that I wobble … you tell him I … I… have issues with


he rebukes me … for the crutches

the doctor gave

that time you knocked me down at morro bay…
how smug you are to hide them in
closets… how

careful you are

to blow

me out …so

no one will know your


but today my lips


sizzling wax … and

pain has found its





  1. thanks for your support… and yeah… saying his name for the world to hear.. empowering .. that’s part of the journey isn’t it ?… Realizing the silliness of controlling folks.. realizing who we are… Rising…:)


    • I did the same. I thought…why does he deserve to have his name protected! That bastard needs to be exposed, released, so I can, like you said, rise above. So I’ve got the guy who abused me, the many, all over my blog. Screw them. They dont’ deserve protecting. Yeah, understanding how controlling it can be to let them keep everything hidden. No way, not anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Took 6 years to call him out… There is another i wrote about rising from incests grave… Wrote a couple weeks ago for the brother who I had always shielded.. Why did I do this?.. I felt I had to protect him??.. Til he started sending me threatening emails about a month ago because I alluded to growing up with abuse in childhood … Hadn’t even mentioned his name or incident…


      • I JUST read it. When I told the truth about the abuse to my family 2 years ago every one of them disowned me. They didnt want to hear the truth. They wanted to continue on in denial. I have a twin brother who knew all too well what was going on but didn’t want to do a thing about it. He easily discarded me a few years ago because Iinterupted his pretty little memories.
        Why is he sending you threatening emails? This is your space! You don’t have to hide the truth anymore. It is a slap in the face to get a threatening email from someone you once protected I am sure!


      • Right??… He began following articles I had written online .. Threatened to destroy me… I ignored him for three weeks… This poem was birthed in rage..


      • I have felt more rage in the last few months then I felt my entire life. I just allowed myself to go there. I felt the rage in your poem. It is justified!!!!! Did you remind your brother that your father already tried to destroy you and that didn’t work so good luck trying!!!!!! What an insensitive, arrogant, ass


      • Worse.. It was the brother who tried to destroy me who was threatening me.. he also molested my sister and get this.. Feels sorry for HIMSELF about it


      • Oh NO! I am so sorry for your sister! That is terrible. And he wants to play the “poor me” card. No way buddy. There are consequences and those aren’t pity.


      • I will never understand my family or people who abuse or people who do nothing to protect or comfort the abused. Never.


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